The Boy’s Club at Work, How Martians & Venusians Work Differently

Dear readers, it’s so nice to connect with you once again!  Let’s talk about something the majority of us all have to deal with, employment or as we like to call it, the job. 

Yes, we all love the paycheck, but how many of you love your jobs and the people you work with?  The most common work related challenge I hear is from females who are unhappy. That due as a result of the “boy’s club” at work. 

Often, in my coaching sessions, I hear: “I love what I do, I just don’t feel like I am part of a team, I just cannot connect with the males.”  The actual work does not seem to be the issue but rather the interpersonal aspect.  Some go further to ask me, “Is it possible to make work enjoyable?”.  For those of you who can relate to such issue, I am pleased to say, of course!     

The basics of gender-based intelligence is awareness.  Dr. John Gray, author of Men from Mars, Women are from Venus often repeats an important message. That says “the problem is not that we (men and women) are different, the problem is that we forgot how we are different.”.

Men and women are different and take their differences into the workplace.  

The aim of Mars/Venus philosophies is not to change the essence of who we are, as we all have a bit of both Martian and Venusian in us, but rather to learn the language of the opposite gender and adapt to achieve a higher rate of success in the workplace.  

Some of you may be saying, “I do not want to portray a false persona.”  Well, to these people, that is fine. 

But you will probably not achieve the same level of success as those who have understood gender based differences and developed an understanding. 

All I ask is to keep an open mind and adjust your awareness. 

Here in Kuwait, I am proud to see that women have become a significant part of the workforce.  Many of these women enter male dominated arenas. That filled with challenges very different than their mothers had ever encountered.  For the first time ever, this generation of women are holding positions equivalent to their male counterparts. And, have become members of the high ranking management.  

The challenge arises when Venusians meet with the “boy’s club” scenario.  We have all seen it, the male colleagues get together chatting, joking, bonding, and not to mention making business decisions.  The exclusionary nature of men is something the Venusians often struggle with causing them stress, sadness and a lack of success in their jobs. 

The “boy’s club” of the Martian world is very natural to men and very alien to women.  When the male colleagues come together to chat and form bonds through sports, politics, etc. They do it very naturally.  On Mars, Martians follow the sound of laughter and chatting to bond.  No invitations are must to these gatherings and no appointments are there.  

But, the problem arises when the Venusian find the Martians bonding and doing business without her, she feels excluded, and not part of the team.  Decisions are formed without her, plans are set, and her feedback was not even considered as the decisions ’just’ happened when they were chatting.  So, off the bat, the Venusian is at a disadvantage as she was not even present at the original ‘meeting.’  This exclusion will cause the rift between Martian and Venusian to widen and put both at a disadvantage.    

Venusian readers, it is important to re-emphasize that the “boy’s club” is not an intentional exclusion, But rather a result of the rules on Mars.  Unfortunately, Martians may not be aware that this behavior is very different than what happens on Venus.  When Venusians get together to chat or work, they are very inclusive, ensuring that no one lefts.  To a Venusian, if they don’t invite you, it was intentional as every gathering has a specific guest list.  On the business front, Venusians interpret the exclusion from the male bonding session as something intentional, and this is where the problems begin. 

How do we solve a problem like this?  My dear Venusians, if you face this issue, why not try something new?  If you are not being intentionally excluded, could you possibly try joining in the conversation and using the Martian approach?   Could you be more proactive in chiming in the conversation with your male colleagues?  If you are thinking, “No way!” you may need to consider the message you are passing your Martian colleagues.  

Remember, successful women in the business arena are those who have been able to befriend and hold their male colleagues as their closest allies.  The business world is a place where the fittest succeed.  The question is, how successful and satisfied do you want to become in your job?  Try this approach; you may be very pleasantly surprised.

Martians, on the same note, it is to your advantage to keep the Venusians comfortable and satisfied.  The female gender now represents a large portion of the workforce and the more attuned to their needs the better equipped you will become in receiving their support and backing.  Additionally, studies have shown that organizations where women held upper management positions were much more successful than those who did not.  Martians, as a first step, please be aware of the message the “boy’s club” is passing to your female counterparts.  No one wants to go to a party they were not invited to.  Try taking the extra initiative and inviting them into your man’s world, you never know how advantageous it may be to your career down the line.

Dear readers, I have tried to pass you the basics of this very important concept. But as with anything, there are varieties of this issue. And, each situation may be very different than the other.  If you would like more insight surrounding this subject, please feel free to contact me with your questions, queries, stories, or comments. I would love to hear from you!

I wish you success in your jobs!